I'm really into asian looking animals
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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