Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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