It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
