Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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