Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
