It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
