Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
