So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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