It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
