We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
