3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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