I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
