my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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