At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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