I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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