you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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