Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to align my fucking chakras
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
