hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
