So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize