yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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