I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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