We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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