i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
