I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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