I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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