listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
