I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
