I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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