listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
