O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
