We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
