Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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