I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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