dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think my vagina is haunted
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
