We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
