Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
