after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
