dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
