my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
