lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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