All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
