wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I currently don't understand fingers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
