Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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