As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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