i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
