she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
