he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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