I think I won the penis lottery.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Of course I have a pirate flag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
