I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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