i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
