Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
