you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
