i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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