The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
