What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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