Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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