The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
