I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
