BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
