He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My cat gives me a boner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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