Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
