every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
