I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
