I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
