This is not my ceiling
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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