I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
