Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
