Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
