You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
