I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
