i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
