I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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