i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
3pm strippers are depressing
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
