just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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