hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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